More To Life Than Shoes

What's with the pressure and the paranoia piled on modern mums when it comes to bringing up baby?

I’m due to have a baby in a couple of weeks. I think I’m less stressed out about the whole giving-birth-for-the-first-time thing than I am about what I need to buy. I’ve got lists everywhere: hospital bag lists, nappy lists, breast-feeding lists, nursery lists ... it’s endless.

But it’s not the lists I mind. My problems start when I actually go shopping: stuck in an aisle at Mothercare, staring around like a rabbit caught in headlights, overwhelmed by feelings of inadequacy. Why? I’ll give you an example, from the latest Mamas & Papas catalogue.

"A nursery should be a practical space that grows and adapts with your child, but also a unique space for your baby to rest and play and a haven for you to spend time together."

Oh god, a nice cot and a few cool toys aren't enough now - we need an adaptable, unique haven. Pass the credit card.

The baby gear market is overwhelming. Grobags and peanut bassinettes, Moby wraps and developmental clutch toys ... you have to learn a whole new lingo just to understand what the hell’s going on. And this market is huge... we spend £753 million a year on baby and nursery equipment in the UK alone.

In the interests of making the market even huger, manufacturers and retailers pile on the guilt, the paranoia and the pressure. The underlying implication of the kind of marketing spiel quoted above is that, if you don’t buy the right brands, the right matching nursery set, the right travel system, the right educational toys, you’re somehow letting your child down, or even letting yourself down.

The pressure put on women to look fabulous while holding down careers and running the perfect home also extends to kitting out the kids. Take the advertising for the Cybex range of carry-slings (left), which appears to show a catwalk model hefting a toddler round with her. I’m planning on counting myself well-dressed if I manage to leave the house not covered in sick. Designer coiffure? Yeah, right.

The welcome rise of the professional woman seems to have bred a weird, less-welcome offspring; the professional mother. She’s expected to approach raising a child like a high-powered job, for which the right equipment is essential, for which both she and the baby must wear the right uniform, drive the right transport and carry the right bag.

It’s hard enough pulling off the juggling act of kids and work without this additional pressure to approach child-rearing like a fashion and life-style statement. Forget creating unique havens, it should be enough for us to keep them happy, fed and entertained. 

So, while I wait for our small person to make their big entrance, I’m trying very hard to block out the bullshit, pruning the more ridiclous items from my lists, stifling the feelings of inadequacy and remembering what an amazing thing we’re about to do, with or without the coordinated floral foot-muff for the pram. We shouldn't be aiming to be professional mums, just good ones.