Struggling to be a stay-at-home mum
By Emily
As
my friends all go back to work, am I kidding myself that I can be
a writer and a stay-at-home mum?When I was pregnant, working from home seemed the perfect solution to the baby/job juggling act. I’ve always wanted to be a full-time writer, but for years I put off doing anything to make this happen, convincing myself I wouldn’t be able to make enough money from it. This was the perfect opportunity to finally give it a chance. As I imagined it, I’d be there all the time for Arthur when he was small but I’d write while he was sleeping. Because babies nap loads, right?
So I had no qualms about handing in my notice at work and confirming I wouldn’t be returning after my maternity leave.
Fast-forward to the present, Arthur is 6 months old and the reality of working from home at the same time as looking after a baby is starting to kick in. One by one, my mum-friends from my ante-natal class are going back to work. They’ve had their childcare sorted since the early weeks of their pregnancy, and although some of them are finding the transition to being a working mum hard, they’re also enjoying stepping back into their old professional identities.
“On my first day back,” my friend Akane told us, “it was strange to be typing using both hands and Hana not being on my lap!” And another mum, Eppie, found it tough leaving her son at nursery for the first time when she returned to her teaching job, but said, “it felt good to be back at school being me.” Zoe and her partner Ben have made the decision that he will give up his job and be a stay-at-home dad while higher-wage earner Zoe goes back to working as a doctor. Zoe has found this transition hard, “but it’s just something I’ve got to do,” she says.
Within a couple of months, I will be the only one of our group not back in the workplace. In some ways, that's great – I get to spend every day with Arthur. I know that many mums have to go back to work, even if they'd rather not, and I'm lucky not to be in that position. But it also makes me feel left out, and a little bit sad. I miss the laughs and excitement of a busy workplace, and I’m jealous of the freedom my friends will have to enjoy their working lives again.
I also find myself feeling defensive, perhaps even a little embarrassed when they talk about work. Will I be the boring one with no conversation apart from nappies and play-dates? Are my dreams of writing from home pie-in-the-sky wishful thinking?
In a way, I feel I’m facing as tough a challenge as those mums who have to balance their time at work with their time with their family. I’m going to have to motivate myself to find the time to write, to network, to stay connected to the professional world.
If I'm honest with myself, the prospect of another couple of years of being at home with my baby makes me feel rather lonely and a bit nervous. And those naps are already not turning out to be as reliable as I'd imagined.
I’m hopeful that I’ll find ways of coping with it – whether it’s connecting with other mums in the same situation or compromising with some form of childcare. Perhaps I'll end up finding a job that gets me out of the house at least some of the time. But I’m also going to make the best of the opportunity to make the balance work.
How to write a novel, 750 words at a time
By Emily
Do you have a novel in
you?Last November, I almost wrote a novel. Having discovered a long time ago that I never achieve anything without some kind of deadline, I decided that my only chance of ever getting a novel beyond the first three pages was to sign up to NaNoWriMo, also known as National Novel Writing Month. The idea is that, starting on 1st November, you have exactly 30 days to write a novel of at least 50,000 words (about 175 pages). NaNoWriMo has become a world-wide craze in the last few years – from 21 participants in 1999, last year saw 200, 000 sign up, and a whopping 30,000 complete their word count by the deadline.
Well, I wrote in my lunch hour at work,
and sometimes when it wasn’t strictly my lunch hour at work. I
wrote in bed, on the loo and on the bus and occasionally even at my
desk. I didn’t get to the end of my story, and what I produced
could by no stretch of the imagination be called a finished novel,
but I did my 50,000 words.Now, obviously, NaNoWriMo is about quantity, not necessarily quality. Writing 50,000 words in a month means churning out 1,667 words a day. That’s the length of an average short story, every day for 30 days. It’s a bit like thinking aloud with a keyboard. You have to just keep typing, whatever’s coming out. There’s no time for planning, editing, or going back and hitting delete when you decide you don’t like what you’ve written. You have to turn off your inner editor and keep going, no matter what.
Telling your inner editor where to go
Maybe you’ve always dreamed of writing a novel. Maybe you’ve even started one a couple of times but not really got anywhere with it. When would-be writers fail to get work finished, the culprit is usually that pesky inner-editor with her red pen, telling us that what we’ve written isn’t up to scratch, that our idea isn’t good enough, that we should go back and start again rather than carrying on.
And this is what makes NaNoWriMo a great excersise. Forcing yourself to block that critical voice so you can reach an arbitrary word count might seem counter-intuitive, and might mean you churn out some dodgy stuff, but it will also unlock bits of your brain you didn’t know were there. Because, in among the rambling and waffle, you'll get the occasional good idea that might never have sneaked past that inner-editor. It’s exhausting, irritating and often frustrating, but it can also be exhilarating, exciting and magical.
When I read back my NaNoWriMo effort a couple of months ago, a lot of it made me wince, but a lot of it also made me think, hold on, that’s not half bad. What I got out of it was potential – lots of rubbish, but a few ideas that I reckon I might be able to turn into an actual novel, with some work.
750 words a day is a picnic compared to NaNoWriMo, but even so,
when I checked my monthly word count recently I discovered I was
well on the way to 12,000 words this month. It was a good
feeling. With a 6-month old baby to look after, I sometimes feel
like I’m not going to have any time to myself until he leaves
home at 18. But I can manage 750 words, and my morning pages are
proving to me that it is possible to get a novel finished, one
tiny step at a time.
Top tips for creating your perfect job
By Emily
These top tips are taken from 'More
To Life Than Shoes: How to Kick-start Your Career and Change Your
Life
Ella Heeks became MD of organic veg box company Abel and Cole in
her twenties, but the company didn’t even know they needed her
until she came along and told them so. She shares her top tips
for creating your perfect job and making sure you get
it.
1. Build Your Hit
List
‘Do your
research. Identify the kind of company you want to work for, then
make a list of who’s out there and target them. This is about so
much more than scanning the jobs pages over a cuppa – it’s
targeted, specific research. You should end up with a hit list of
dream employers. Now you can go to them instead of waiting for
them to come to you.’
2. Work Your
Assets
Before you rush in, work out what skills
you’ll need to be useful to them, and then make sure you can put
them on your CV. Make yourself irresistible – think about what
would catch an employer’s eye, making it impossible for them to
turn you down. If you don’t have these things, get on it – take a
course, land an internship or find some work experience. Don’t
blow your chances by rushing in ... only fools do that. This is
the rest of your life we’re talking about here.’
3. Create Your
Job
‘Don’t
wait for a job to be advertised. Your ideal role might not even
exist yet, so you may need to make it up. There’s nothing wrong
with saying, ‘I’d love to work for you but realize you might not
have any jobs. Could I talk to you anyway?’’
4. Big Yourself Up
Build your
confidence before you make the call. Think about all the reasons
why these people would be really lucky to have you there. Good
salesmanship is about listening to the person you’re talking to,
finding out what they need and then explaining how you could meet
that need.’
5. Give Yourself Away
'Suggest a trial
period to show what you can do. You could even offer to
demonstrate your abilities for free for a while, if you can
afford to. Don’t be sniffy about working for free – it could get
you a foot in the door to your perfect job, which will pay off
later.’
Get more top tips on everything from protecting your
invention to getting organised in 'More
To Life Than Shoes: How to Kick-start Your Career and Change Your
Life
A Burlesque Guide to Confidence - 5 Top Tips from Cabaret Dancer Lady Alex
By Emily
In an extract taken from our book, More To Life Than Shoes: How to Kick-start Your
Career and Change Your Life
1. Eye
Contact
“The most important element of any burlesque routine is
eye-contact. To lock eyes with your audience is compelling, sexy
and open. The most powerful thing you can do when engaging with
anyone, from the love of your life to your boss, is to hold your
head up high and look them straight in the eye. You are equal,
confident and unapologetically you.”
2. Classic
Inspiration
“Being beautiful isn’t all disco ball bikinis or bleached
blonde hair. It’s about tastefulness and holding back just that
last drop of sugar that leaves your audience curious and wanting
more. Put a picture of the glamour icon of your choice near where
you get ready, to remind you to make the effort, even if you feel
like reaching for the tracksuit bottoms.”
3. Walking Tall
“We walk around all day without giving it much thought, but if
you want a bit of a glamover, try this. Make sure you are never
late so you don’t have to rush. Imagine that every time you walk
you are in a burlesque show. If you turn the walk-to-work into a
fashion shoot for Vogue then you will naturally start
walking like a superstar. Head held up, a wiggle from the hips
and confident strides. Sounds bonkers, but it works.”
4. Hair
Affair
“As
a child I had great fun playing with my hair: I used to collect
colourful hair clips and learn new ways to braid it. But
somewhere along the way we forget this love affair with hair and
settle for a quick blow-dry and a pony tail. Put some bounce back
into your barnet: try new styles, accessories, or go a bit
vintage and get experimenting with those victory rolls.”
5. Bring on the
Bling
“Add a little sparkle to your outfit! From a broach or
earrings to a full-on diamante dress, it will make you look and
feel a million dollars. Be inspired by some of the original
burlesque dancer and movie star costumes – Betty Grable, Bettie
Page, Sally Rand, Mae West. Rhinestones are recommended, as are
sequins, lace, frills and ribbons.”
Lady Alex is a burlesque performer at London’s Wam Bam Club.
To read more expert tips
on everything from changing careers to having ideas, grab a copy
of More To Life Than Shoes: How to Kick-start Your
Career and Change Your Life
Louise Presley-Turner on how to stop self-sabotaging your plans
By Emily
Do you ever find yourself getting in the way of your own success? Does it ever seem like you’re working against yourself? Do you ever ask “Why did I do that?” Author and coach Louise Presley-Turner tackles our inner saboteur.
Everyone has his or her own way in which they self-sabotage. By self-sabotage I mean subconscious behaviors or habits which slow down our progress or stop us moving forward in life. Sometimes it’s so frightening to imagine changing, growing or making new choices that we deliberately obstruct our own efforts.
Why do we do this? Simply because we’re scared of falling flat on our face!
We all have moments where we put off the more difficult or scary jobs or conversations. When we do this, we hamper ourselves both personally and professionally. Do you recognise the signs? In the midst of procrastinating, we might find ourselves eating more, spending too much time on the internet or like me, reorganising the kitchen cupboards. The best thing we can do is to be aware of our own procrastination habits, so that we can put a stop to it and deal with the job in hand.
Being too much of a perfectionist, or a dreamer, or lazy or disorganised are all signs of procrastination. Admitting how you sabotage your own success and how it affects progress in your life is a great start. Once you become conscious of your habits, you can choose to change your behavior to something more beneficial. Notice what you do and then do the opposite.
Now, when I find myself procrastinating around a certain action, I don’t chastise myself, I simply smile to myself and think ‘Caught you!’
We’re great at pretending or kidding ourselves that we’re
making good headway when in actual fact we’re just going round
in circles. Don’t let your fear of failure hold you back from
achieving the life you deserve.
Louise Presley-Turner is a qualified Life Coach and Hay House Author. To find out more about Louise's services or to receive the FREE Life Evaluator quiz, visit www.thegameoflife.co.uk, email louise@thegameoflife.co.uk, or call 01746 71 61 51.
On the podcast... travelling solo, and tricking your brain into doing what you want
By Emily
and Love
Not Smoking: Do Something Different
, tells us how to trick your
brain into doing what you want, from stopping smoking to getting
rid of your compulsions. Podcast Powered By Podbean
Born or made? Where do women get their business-sense?
By Emily
Can you learn to be a successful entrepreneur, or
do you have to be born with a business
brain?
So, you’ve always dreamed of starting
your own business. But before you take the plunge, are you
thinking of brushing up your business skills with a course or a
mentor? According to a new survey conducted by Hiscox Insurance,
most female entrepreneurs would tell you there’s no need, and
that a business brain is something you’re either born with or
not.
82% of the female entrepreneurs questioned didn’t study any kind
of business or management subjects at school, and believe their
flair for business is an innate talent. Creativity, networking
and communication were given as the most important skills needed
to be a successful entrepreneur. Even more intriguing, nearly
half of those asked claimed that their business finesse couldn’t
be learned, and that it was a talent that came naturally to
them.
It’s true that many of the inspirational business women we
interviewed for our book,
More To Life Than Shoes: How to Kick-start Your Career and Change
Your Life
But we think that budding entrepreneurs shouldn’t discount the
benefits of a bit of preparation and training. Another of our
interviewees, Emily Cummins, the young inventor of an
award-winning solar-powered fridge, recognizes the importance of
a business education, even though her real flair is for
invention. She studied for a degree in Business Management, which
she says, “has taught me some useful skills, and given me the
ability to promote my products.”
We reckon that although a
natural flair for wheeling and dealing is certainly an advantage,
potential entrepreneurs shouldn’t be put off by the fear that
they don’t have a business brain. Creativity, networking and
communication skills can all be improved with tips from those
who’ve been there, practice and advice. Whether that practice
comes from other work experience, a business course or learning
on the fly, don’t be put off by that nagging worry that you’re
not a natural entrepreneur – the bit you’re born with is the
drive to get out there and do it – the rest will come.
For more amazing business success stories, get
More To Life Than Shoes: How to Kick-start Your Career and Change
Your Life
Stuck in a job you don’t like? Louise Presley-Turner's 8 tips for kick-starting your career change
By EmilyAre you fed up doing work you don't really care
about? Are you looking to do something more meaningful but aren’t
sure what to do? Coach Louse Presley-Turner has 8 simple tips to
get your career change going.- List all of your interests and passions
- List yours skills, talents and abilities
- List all your job likes and dislikes
- List your favourite types of working environment
- List your ideal job benefits
- List your ideal working location
Louise Presley-Turner is a qualified life coach working with private individuals and businesses across the world. To find out more about the CareerShifters Club, visit www.thegameoflife.co.uk, email louise@thegameoflife.co.uk, or call 01746 71 61 51.
Underground Icon: the amazing life of Betty 'Joe' Carstairs
By Emily
I’ve just been
reading the incredible life-story of Betty ‘Joe’ Carstairs,
eccentric heiress, skilled mechanic, business owner and the
fastest woman on water. She went through a few colourful
incarnations in her eventful life, and she’s now on my list of
historical women I’d like to go for a pint with.
Betty had an unhappy childhood. Her mother was an alcoholic heiress to an oil fortune, and her father left before she was born. Betty must have had to learn to be independent pretty fast.
The First World War broke out when Betty was just 16. It must have seemed a chance for a bit of adventure; she signed up to do a stint with the Red Cross driving ambulances in France. Later, she joined the Women’s Legion Mechanical Transport Section, and discovered a love of engines of all kinds. When the war ended, Betty didn’t go home: instead she went back to France and helped to re-bury the war dead.
In 1920, aged just 20, Betty got together a group of friends and started her own business. It drew on the mechanical skills she’d learned during the war. Called the “X Garage”, it was chauffeur service with women drivers, an idea that obviously isn’t as recent as we might think.
Betty wasn’t someone
you’d forget in a hurry. She liked to be known as Joe, usually
dressed in men’s clothes and was proud of her tattoos. She was a
lesbian, a fact she didn’t hide, (even though at the time it was
socially scandalous) and had affairs with several high-profile
women (Dolly Wilde, Oscar’s niece, Tallulah Bankhead and Marlene
Dietrich to name a few). Given a Steiff doll as a present, she
called it Lord Tod Wadley and took it with her wherever she went.
She was a dedicated petrol-head, and loved anything she could drive fast. In 1925 she bought her first motorboard boat, and over the next five years put her energy in to racing, becoming the fastest woman on water and winning the Duke of York’s trophy.
Betty’s dream was to
win the Harmsworth Trophy, the most prestigious in powerboating.
She had two boats built specially for the challenge. The boats
didn’t do too well in trials, but this didn’t put Betty off, and
she insisted on going ahead with the race. Her boat capsized, and
Betty and her mechanic were both injured. Even this didn’t do
much to put Betty off: she tried twice again for the trophy,
although she never won it.
She wasn’t short of cash to fund her lifestyle, having conveniently inherited a large oil fortune, but she was generous with her money, funding other racers and buying an island in the Bahamas where she built a house for her friends to stay in. During her time on the island, she also spent money on roads, schools and power stations for the locals.
Betty knew how to pull off eccentricity, and was never afraid to be herself. She followed her ambitions, no matter how strange they may have seemed to others, winning respect and affection from those around her.
She sounds like someone I’d like to have known!
How to use the chatrooms on this site
By EmilyProbably not, to be honest - it's so well hidden, we sometimes have trouble finding it ourselves. So here's a handy guide to accessing the chatrooms, joining in and creating topics.
1. With MoreToLifeThanShoes.com open in your browser window, look for the chatroom icon at the bottom left of the screen, and click it.
2. The chat window will open. Chatrooms are live - they only exist when someone is online and using them. If they're inactive for 10 minutes, they disappear. So, you might find some chatrooms already running, or no one may be chatting at the moment. The active rooms are listed on the right.
3. If there's a room you want to join, click on it in the right pane. The conversation will appear in the main pane. You can join in by typing comments in the bottom text box and pressing Enter. Everyone in the room will see your comments.
4. If there's no active room you want to join, you can start your own. Click Create Chatroom at the bottom left and give it a name. Now other people can join your room.
5. If you want to get a chat going, why not use the forum to set a date and time and invite people to join in - then you'll have someone to talk to when you set up your room. You can start chats to discuss MTLTS groups, meet-ups, or any topic you like. We'll also be announcing MTLTS chatroom events soon.
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